it's addicting for me to dwell on memories from a year ago — who i was with, where we were, what we did. so much has changed. humans can be described as creatures who are capable of becoming "used to anything", as Dostoevsky tells us and (my roommate) Tom Sawyer reminds us. people's lives can change without them noticing, if the change is slow and steady. knowing this, and having experienced it, i will be vigilant.
Men past forty
Get up nights, Look out at city lights
And wonder
Where they made the wrong turn
And why life is so long
-Ed Sissman
i am determined not to be that guy. nevertheless, things do change.
my goals are to maintain a life of meaning that is uniquely eclectic in its actions, a sense of wonder that is child-like in its perspective, and wildly realistic ambitions which can adapt and evolve and continue to motivate me.
the real world is not conducive to adventure and personality. it strangles souls slowly, and despotically denies dreams.
so, how have i changed for the worse in the past year?
i'm out of shape. i go to bed earlier. i have fewer adventures, and consequently, fewer stories.
there needs to be a significant improvement somewhere to counter that regression. otherwise, i'm failing. suspense...!?
...i've gotten better at understanding what a life of meaning looks like, and pursuing that understanding. my trouble has always been walking the line between living in the moment and living for eternity. i believe God wants us to enjoy life, but i also recognize that most people pass on their purpose and primarily pursue physical pleasure.
it's a broad change, in some ways. a continued development of the reasons why i decided to give up my high school plan of becoming a sports agent. that plan was selfish. i'm becoming less selfish in general.
the change is also specific.
this weekend i, somewhat spontaneously, went with Jon to California. we drove to L.A. on Saturday, and drove back Sunday. about 5 hours one-way.
i did it for the story, and for the adventure. the same reasons i chose to do a lot of the things i did in college. those weren't the only reasons, though.
we went to see the premiere of a documentary: livingonone.org. it's a documentary about four college students who lived in Guatemala for 8 weeks on $1/day. they did it to better understand poverty, and to demonstrate how effective micro-finance (giving small low-interest loans to individual people) can be as a solution. our connection to the group is Jon's sister, Hannah — she's so closely involved that her immediate future is directly tied to the success of their enterprise.
it was a fun event. we met some great people, had some free drinks, and got to hang out in the L.A. area while purposefully over-emphasizing our Midwestern-ness ("oh, so that's what boring everyday object is like in California." "do y'all know random celebrity?!").
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| This is Bobby Bailey. His presence added credibility to the "Into Poverty: Living on One" premiere because he is a founder of Invisible Children and a producer of the Kony 2012 movie/movement. I was impressed by him and his vision, and he was interested in finding out more about the Great Hearts charter school movement. |
adventure had. box checked. that's only part of the reason i went, however. i felt a weird connection to this endeavor when i heard about it, and i wanted to look into it further.
this documentary started as economics research by economics majors at a liberal arts college. its findings are counter-intuitive. it's based in the idea that there is no substitute for experiencing something first-hand. it's focused on Guatemala. these four guys voluntarily went through an ordeal most people would never consider getting paid to do.
if you know me at all, you'll recognize that these are all things that resonate with me. the only thing missing so far is a personal connection to the project (i'm generally skeptical of corporate altruism and bureaucratic organizations), and i have that connection in Hannah.
i try to be conscious of situations which are entirely based on a series of low-probability events all occurring. for example, i would not be aware of this documentary at all right now if i wasn't living with Jon, and i wouldn't be living with Jon if i hadn't been hired last second to be a teacher, and i wouldn't have been hired if i hadn't gone to Hillsdale, and so on. that is one method i use to narrow down the options in front of me.
after seeing the premiere and meeting everyone involved, my suspicions have been confirmed. i think i'm supposed to help..
how? no idea. i'm going to start by telling my students about it. and you. maybe that's all. maybe this is one of the reasons i'm teaching in Scottsdale right now. maybe it's more.
ch-check it out!
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