pursuit of happiness

i'm laying on the floor in Tom's room, his speakers cranking Kid Cudi's "Pursuit of Happiness."

the last thing i should be doing is more typing.

this is big, though.  i want to remember this experience, and these feelings.

i remember the first time i ever heard this song, the song that may have defined my senior year at Hillsdale.  it was at the end-of-junior-year economics party.  it was so packed that no one could move.  every once in a while a bottle of hard liquor would be passed from person to person across the room — there was no other means of transportation.  sometimes it was empty when it arrived at its destination.   professors were there.  it's great to have teachers at parties.

i remember listening to this song all summer [2 a.m./summer night].  i remember visiting Lynzy in Oregon and being surprised she had downloaded the album: Man on the Moon.

senior year, we named our house The Moon.

i remember buying tickets to see Kid Cudi in concert in Ann Arbor with Brian, then deciding we wouldn't want to be at the concert.  we aren't his typical fans. we wouldn't enjoy it.  i still have the ticket.

i remember leaving Hillsdale.  my speakers had been stolen when i left them outside overnight after our Centralhallapalooza party.  The Moon was supposed to host the end-of-year Collegian party the next week, and we needed speaks.  Sally Nelson came through big time.  we kept those speakers for weeks, even after school ended while we bachelored.  speakers can change the world.  when it came time to return them, there were only three left.  Brian. Zack. Me.  before we unplugged them, we each chose one final song to blare.  Brian: Bon Iver/Wolves (Act I & II).  Zack: Eric Church/Smoke a Little Smoke.  Me? Pursuit of Happiness.

year one of teaching is over.  summer has started.

the end of my year was horrible, and perfect.

i took down the wrong date for when final student evaluations were due.  i came back to Phoenix Sunday night after several days with my family in Nevada, thinking i had a week to leisurely and thoroughly write my 93 fourth quarter evaluations.  turns out, i didn't.

my evaluations were due that night.  for the past 36 hours, i've been sitting in front of my computer, typing.

it's funny. the traits that make me a good teacher are the same ones that make me an awful teacher.  i get caught up in the moment, and fail to plan ahead.  but, in the moment, i really, truly, care.

so i turned in my evals a day and a half late after two near all-nighters, because i'm an unprofessional moron.  because i'm not a professional, i wrote each and every evaluation from scratch.  no copying and pasting here, boys.  i spent a half hour, on average, writing my eighth graders' fourth quarter evaluations.  yeah, project that out.

i'm mentally and emotionally exhausted right now.  i think i'm satisfied.  i might be excited.

this year was the hardest.  regarding this summer, never have i been more tempted to lay low, take it easy, and prepare for the upcoming year.  that's not what i do, though.  that's not me.  me? i try to do too much, push my limits, and set myself up for failure.

i have two months.  from my to-do list, you'd think i have two years.

this is the way i live.  this is how i got here in the first place.  this is how i interpret God's will for my life and pursue happiness.  this is wonderful anarchy.