next post facto

the first quarter is officially over.  grading complete, evaluations submitted, fall break gone.

i wasn't dwelling on it at the time, but the past nine weeks had to have been the most challenging of my life thus far.  it makes sense.  i had to adjust to an entirely new environment: the Southwest; live in a city with over 50k inhabitants for the first time: Phoenix (the sixth most-populous city in the U.S.); move in with new roommates: (Tom and Jon); start a job i had no training for: middle school teacher?!; teach a subject i had little training in: history (ancient AND medieval), and add in all the responsibilities of a head football coach from day one.

being challenged is good.  i welcome it, and i recognize it could have been MUCH more difficult, like trying to do all that and not have a core group of friends nearby for support.  and to be honest, i would not have even attempted any of this without them.

sometimes i think the things i do are simply because i want to see what it would take to break me down. i'm addicted to the thrill of pushing my limits. i love the process of trying something new, figuring it out, and then doing my best to master it.

the problem is that with more quantity, quality can suffer.  the perspective changes more when my adventures affect other people.  would i be a better teacher if i wasn't coaching football? it's very probable.  would the football team be much worse off with the next-best option at head coach? entirely possible.  so, what's the answer? it depends.  isn't that always the answer?

i staggered to the finish line of the first quarter.  i was working more hours and getting less sleep than my worst semester at Hillsdale, and i really struggled down the home stretch.  one thing you don't realize about being a student is that it's relatively passive.  you can power down, operate at 60 percent capacity, and be fine.  zone out during class and the world doesn't end.  teaching is 100 percent all the time, and coaching is the same way.  it's almost like a performance.  it's exhausting.

so, i hit a wall.  i barely made it.  all the time while i was figuring out ways to cut down on my workload, the loss of sleep had been building up.  the worst part might have been getting up before 7 a.m. on Saturdays in order to make it to my 9 a.m. games.  when the bell rang for my last period that last Friday, i just left.  there were abandoned stacks of papers on my desk, and open books from the day's lesson plans.   i didn't say goodbye.

flying to Michigan for Hillsdale's homecoming was the best medicine i could have asked for, although it also served to highlight the stark contrast from my life a year ago.  how could anything be so incredibly familiar and freeing while being so incredibly detached and distant? this homecoming was the only experience i've had that was weird for the sole reason of not being weird.  every second.

i was clinging to my last taste of Hillsdale as i got on the plane to fly back.  my thoughts were torn, i didn't know how to summarize what i was feeling.. then, i looked at the woman next to me, who was reading.  it was a book entitled "A Rather Remarkable Homecoming." well, that works.

the second quarter is now under way.  i have big plans to be a better teacher.  i also have plans to do things like sleep, maybe even exercise.  how do you raise productivity with a fixed amount of labor inputs (1 worker) and a fixed amount of time (24 hours)? increase efficiency!  i have to take everything i've learned since August, and put it all together.  the next step of the challenge.

my football team has the No. 3 seed in the playoffs.  remember my post about losing to Chandler Prep? no? well, we play them on Saturday.  if we win, the championship is the next week.  either way, football will be over within the next two weeks! think of all the activities i can do with my extra time!

like..coach the JH soccer team? sure, why not?

best class since next year

i need to write more about my teaching experience, and ramble less.  i have some ideas, but for now? i'm going to homecoming.

given that this is the only time i will be going to homecoming the year after i graduate, i want to take full advantage.  probably the highest numbers of friends there and friends returning.. so, i thought, how can i approach it differently..?  it's not good enough for me to just show up.. i have to be weird.

i'd been tossing around some ideas, but on Monday night i spontaneously put together an opinion piece (about 1 a.m.) and sent it in to my friends at the Collegian.  i've spent some time reflecting on what i enjoyed about my experience at Hillsdale, and then trying to find what was unique about it — different from the typical "good" college experience.  so that was my starting point.

it's one of those things that you think is great when you do it, but afterward you don't really know what to think.  when i went to sleep i was pretty happy with what i wrote.   it had unique observations, satirical humor, decent style, and i even tried to give it a point!  and i wrote it all in one sitting, which is pretty rare for me.. but, when i read it in the morning i was a whole lot less confident in it.  why was i writing it at all? who was i writing to?  was it too strong?

the biggest theme for my opinion pieces is simply attempting to make people think.  if the best way to make them think is to make them mad at me, so be it.  another way to make people think is be unclear — a specialty of mine.  i'm hard to understand, by nature. part of my controversy-promoting approach is that i don't always say what i actually believe.  i want it to start conversations, even if it's all in the readers head.

so, here it is.  "Alumni homecoming advice"

in a few days i'm going to post an explanation of what i was thinking, what i meant, and why.

by the way, that's not my headline.  i sent in a few suggestions (including the title of this post), but i guess they didn't make the cut.. and i'm not complaining!!  i mean, if i'm known for anything it's for ridiculous headlines..so this feels bland.  seriously though, i'm grateful for getting printed on such short notice.  sweethearts, the whole bunch of 'em!

winning is underrated.

you've heard the quotes.  everyone recognizes winning is better than losing, and some people go further than that.  Vince Lombardi famously said that "Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing."  here's my perspective: irregardlessly of how much you value winning, you should value it more.  not just SHOULD, but you WOULD, if you fully understood it's importance.  that goes for Lombardi, too.

that being said, is there anything worse than losing?  if you give your best, you shouldn't have regrets.  but, you can give your best and still make mistakes.  and dwell on them.  i mean, finishing second place is awful.  you were right there, and fell just short.

no one but the losers remember second place.  and second place does remember, trust me.  i have memories where i actually wince every time it crosses my mind, and i can only imagine it will always be that way for me.  but first? first is symbolic.  first place gives you a reference point for everything else.  that's why i was so pleased to hear that our Collegian team from last year at Hillsdale won an award.  well, a lot of awards (i'll put up a link to any articles i find).   the 2010-2011 Hillsdale Collegian won First Place General Excellence in our division at the Michigan Press Awards.  basically, we were judged to be the "best" weekly paper in the state of Michigan.

i'd never really thought about our chances.  i did know that we had a great team, and we had a great time.  it wasn't just the seniors, either, we were solid through and through.  though we each will treasure the experience individually, it's really awesome to be able to attach the official sort of recognition as well.

one thing bothers me about winning — relativity.  there's always someone better out there.  so you can very rarely be satisfied, because other people won't allow it.  i know competition should be a personal thing — comparing yourself to others is trouble.  but think about it.  let's say a friend of yours wins first place at a track and field event at Hillsdale, which is Division II.  you're trying to brag on them a little, and someone always jumps in and says something like (and i'm paraphrasing to highlight the ridiculousness) "this guy i went to high school with runs track at Ohio State"  ...!!.. so, just the fact that a higher level of competition exists is supposed to make all of your friend's accomplishments impotent.

are you following?  or should i start over?  that's why winning the Superbowl is different than winning the Major League Soccer championship.  both are the highest level of competition; in one sense, legitimate championships, but the Superbowl-winning team truly is the best football team on the planet.  no one can downplay their accomplishment. the MLS champion team has to deal with the existence of the European leagues. all of their hours of physical and mental training, their sacrifices, the whole package can be negated instantly by some a**hole who says "well, they probably couldn't beat Arsenal."  it's not REALLY negated, but if you're in that setting, how can you respond to such thoughtlessness??

someone in charge decided to give me first place for the best-designed sports page.  my initial reaction was pure unadulterated surprise.  my second? "so..i had the best-designed section of the worst-designed section.."..in a sense, answering the afore-mentioned critic before he has a chance to comment.  on the one hand, it's probably true.  on the other, it's unhealthy to obsess over relativity.  i need to take it for what is, a compliment on a job/performance where i invested everything i had over the course of an entire school year.

besides that, there's something to be said for finding the right place for you to compete, and compete successfully.  i got into the journalism program by being the guy who could write decently, for a jock, essentially.  i rode that role to the editor position, and didn't look back.

maybe i learned something by deciding i was going to play basketball in college, and failing. basketball is the toughest sport to get a scholarship for..think about it.  of all the major college sports, it has the smallest rosters and is the most dependent on pure physical gifts (namely, height) for success.  hard work only gets you so far, kids.  it's naive to ignore natural ability and, my favorite, "luck"..

how can i bring this around... winning.  relativity.  design. ah, yes.  even though i'm tempted to downplay it, that award is big for me (ignoring the fact that a lot of my difficult designs were done by Joel and Liz — again, thank my awareness of "the critic" for that observation).. ability to design something well implies creativity in some capacity, does it not?  i've never been creative; calculative would be far more accurate.  i'm intimidated by creative people.  musicians? wow.  i mean, you can't teach creativity.  but have i learned it, somehow?  or maybe designing a newspaper can be a technique..

maybe there's hope for me.  thanks, MPA's.