Sunday, April 29, 2012

countering entropy

the year is building up.

a few weeks ago i drew a graph on the board for my students (i like graphs), where it charted teachers' tolerance/patience levels over the course of the school year, and a similar graph for students' discipline/focus.  i told them if we allowed the curves to intersect at ZERO, there would be an unprecedented disaster which would leave most of the class repeating the 7th grade and me sitting in a corner, holding my knees and rocking back and forth.

yeah, it's not perfect, but it gets the point across..


it helps to be aware of things. it's still happening, nevertheless.  i'm getting frustrated much more easily, and i have to admit the prospect of teaching high schoolers next year is becoming more and more appealing.

yet, there is a balance.

there have been several instances in the last few weeks that have helped counter the building exasperation and slow shift toward entropy.

after seeing a family in Chipotle, i had a conversation where the mother told me that i had given her student a genuine interest in history that had not been present before.  that's significant, especially since i can't say i had a genuine interest in history before this year.  more on that later.

the day after sand volleyball season ended, two separate groups of my players came by while i was teaching and stood outside the window of my classroom, holding a volleyball and looking sad.  though it was a small gesture, it was really sweet and definitely made me feel appreciated.

at the end of class every day, my sixth period has a 15-minute study hall.  usually i let them talk and draw on the white board or however they want to waste the time, and i have to reset the noise level several times in 15 minutes.  but, last week, i ended class and a girl raised her hand and said "Mr. McClallen, can you tell us a story? we like your stories."

that was huge.  i mean, that is voluntarily choosing to listen to a teacher talk over any other option available!  clearly it also put a lot of pressure on me, and thankfully my memory delivered. clutch.

i told them about how me and my friends used to have sleepovers in a cave on our property.  we would watch a horror movie, then go out and psyche ourselves out all night.  it was terrifying. when my brother Mark got old enough to do this with his friends, i pranked them one night.  at about 3 a.m., i hiked over to the cave and stood on the cliff above them.  then, i started a chainsaw and started screaming.

i would give a large amount of money to have a recording of Mark's reaction, but my imagination will have to suffice.  it was a great scream, too. so proud.

anyway, my students liked the story.  and i like them.

Monday, April 23, 2012

memory triggers

you must be anticipating my next job update, right? well, no news yet. sorry. SPA has a new headmaster though, more on that later. and my sand volleyball team placed 3rd in the tournament.

i'm wildly nostalgic, and i have been obsessed with memory for as long as i can remember.  forget opposable thumbs and the ability to reason — memory is the one thing that allows us to be human.  what good is anything else, if you don't have memory?

i hate the idea of forgetting.  there is nothing more hopeless than forgetting, or losing memory.  the very definition implies you can't ever track what you forget.  who could ever know how much they have forgotten?

A review/memory game from Medieval History — line up at the board and write a term unique to the chapter.  If you can't think of one, you sit down.  Last student standing wins/goes up against me.  My 8th-graders made me proud and filled up the entire white board!


the last few years, and especially this latest year, have taught me a lot about how memory works.  i've started to expect a flood of unremembered memories every time i go home, or have a conversation with an old friend.  sometimes it's something completely unpredictable, however.  there could be smells, or sounds, or experiences that trigger an old memory without any warning or expectation.  as i use my mind to observe and analyze how my mind works, i've started trying to find ways to manipulate my memory.

i think i have a particular connection with music.  i've starting making playlists for certain periods of my life, because i associate certain songs with particular experiences.  it can be a very strong connection, and as long as i don't over-do it, i can continue coming back to a song and get the same rush of remembrance.

my newest thing? "memory triggers".  the basic idea is very similar to a time capsule.  instead of physical objects, i leave things behind in pictures.  specifically, pictures that i know i will come back to one day.  the items don't even have to be related to the pictures itself; in fact, it's better if they aren't.  the idea is simple.  down the road a ways, i'll look at one of these pictures for a particular reason, and i will be pleasantly surprised for additional reasons.

example.  we just took our sand volleyball team picture.  i chose to include two "triggers".  first, i'm wearing Hannah Gregg's Raybans that she left when she visited Jon.  hopefully, when i dig up that photo years from now, i will see the sunglasses and remember something (anything) i had forgotten, like when i mis-dealt four straight times while playing euchre, or the failure to identify the octopus garden.  it's important to note that it doesn't have to be a huge life event i'm "triggering", those tend to find other ways of being preserved.  i like the little things.  the details.

similarly, i rolled up my sleeves in the team picture to reveal that my forearms had some writing on them.  during study hall earlier in the day, a student had asked to draw something on my hand, and it quickly turned into a mass graffiti session.  again, i'm not trying to remember something specific.  just anything more than nothing.  maybe i'll remember a particular student, or maybe i'll remember something from that particular day, or maybe i'll just wonder why i let kids draw on my arms.

essentially, it takes little effort (including a trigger in a picture), with the potential of a high payoff (if you value memory as much as i do).  as you probably know, triggering one memory can lead to an entire motherlode of other memories, related or not.

so by now you're asking how a cold-blooded ruthless economist could be this sentimental.  i don't have an answer for you.. i realize this whole idea will seem silly to a lot of people.  some people would rather forget their past and are obsessed with moving forward, but i can't imagine carrying on without bringing my past with me. it's going to get more and more difficult as the "past" grows.  the life i lead is not the easiest path, but it is one i have chosen.

Monday, April 2, 2012

the free rider

about this time of year, i start thinking about next year.  post-spring break.  high percentages of conversations include upcoming plans.  i have nothing to say, yet.

job, summer, housing, progress: these are what i focus on.  none of them are locked in, but each has significant developments in the upcoming week.

there have been several notable developments recently which impact next year's living situation.

1) my roommate Jon got engaged.
2) my roommate Tom got a job at Scottsdale Prep.

both are huge, while simultaneously being far less huge than other upcoming developments.  this means Jon won't be living with me, and Tom will. IF i'm still working at Scottsdale Prep.  yeah... the situation at my school seems to be behind the curve.  none of the new teachers i've talked to have received any sort of assurance regarding continued employment.  it seems to be assumed in many cases, but i hate taking things for granite — that's what tombstones are made from.

i turned in an "intent to return" form months ago.  my top choices were economics and medieval history.

i am doing a demo on Tuesday.  that means i'm teaching an econ class (first period) while being observed/evaluated.  it's kinda huge.

the class will be over Game Theory.  it just so happens that the tiny section in their book on the Prisoner's Dilemma and the Free Rider Problem is exactly what they are assigned to read while also being my favorite branch of economics.  the current econ teacher, Gabriel, skimmed a little last week to line it up for me.  we're hoping to divide up the 4 sections next year between us.

the funny part is, i've kinda already talked to that section of students about Game Theory.  i subbed for them one time, and i decided to show them how fascinating it is.  that makes it slightly more difficult for me to know where to start/what to cover.  do i acknowledge our previous interaction at the start of class? or do i act like i don't know them..

rarely do i worry about getting nervous, but this is one of those times.  there's a lot riding on this demo, and i've never "taught" econ..or taught high schoolers (this is 10th grade).. or ever even had a demo (i was hired without demoing).  my heart is beating faster even now, when i should be exhausted.

it'll be fine, i know.  i'm going to spend way too much time thinking about it between now and then, no matter what.

on the employment topic.  i've also had a few discussions with the administration about possibly taking on additional responsibility in the athletic department...helping out with communication somehow.  it's really early but i'm excited about the possibility of getting an actual position, since i invest so much time helping with athletics already.

so basically, i'm in my usual spot as i approach a "new" (school)year.  nothing guaranteed.  lots of options.  right now my summer plans include three weddings, an online CalcII course, and helping crew an undetermined sailboat to an epic (undetermined) location. and DC.  and moving. somewhere...possibly to a teacher mansion (Tom and i have talked to at least six guys about living together).

one quick anecdote before i climb into my sheetless bunkbed:

when the students heard i was teaching a demo for them on Game Theory, they were excited.  a few of the girls are on my volleyball team.  they told me that in the weeks since i gave the impromptu lecture, the topic has come up several times on its own. not only that, but they have (so they claim) APPLIED what i taught them in OTHER CLASSES!  humane letters, for example — the daily two hour discussion on history and literature.

it's obviously cheesy to say, but that's an awesome thing to hear.  as positive feedback for a teacher goes, that is tough to beat.  it 1) really reinforces my belief that my genuine enthusiasm for economics could potentially make a real difference, and 2) it supports my suspicion that my personality/style of teaching is better suited toward high school students.  words are more important, energy level is less.

by the end of next week, my immediate future could be locked in.  or all my options could come tumbling down like a house of cards.