#Romans828

my most consistent weakness throughout my life has been an inability to communicate accurately, or having no desire to do so.  for most of my life, i didn't realize this.  all i knew was that people didn't understand me, and it often turned out badly for me.

when i got to Hillsdale, the gears started turning.  i think, more than anything else, my time at Hillsdale taught me how to communicate.  yes, even more than it taught me about economics and the liberal arts, both of which i knew nothing about coming in.  it was a mix of everything — writing for the paper, joining a fraternity, forming relationships with people who truly wanted to understand me.  dating Laura could have been the single biggest factor in my progress, actually.

i know what you're thinking.  i'm still bad at it.  my thoughts and intentions are still a complete mystery a majority of the time.  good point — i think it just highlights where i was coming from.  i was coming from a wildly shy, insecure, homeschooled kid who had always processed everything internally.  fine, so i was a wildly narcissistic, insecure, private-schooled kid there for a few years in between.  quite the roller coaster, let me tell you.

my point? (see how clearly i'm connecting my thoughts?!)

there could not be a better place for me to be right now than where i am.  think about it.  every day, i spend hours and hours trying to communicate with junior high students.  i say "trying", because it's been a struggle at times.  i have to verbalize things very precisely, repeat thoughts often, and continually find new ways to say something that seemed obvious to me the first time.  and i'm getting better!  early in the school year, there were plenty of times where i would just give up and tell the kids we'd try again tomorrow after i had rethought it.  that was frustrating.  so, my ability to think in a live situation and enunciate in real time (i've always preferred writing) has improved by sheer necessity.

in economics, the theory concludes that when you are considering a gift for someone, the best possible choice is always cash.  that way, they can spend it any way they prefer.  it's not romantic, but it's true.  there is one exception, though.  the exception occurs if you can give them something THEY DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THEY WANTED/NEEDED.  obviously, that takes a special connection.

do you see where i'm going?  one of my classic faults is assuming people can read my mind.  i often skip steps in my reasoning process.

i was happy when i got this teaching job.  but, i was just happy to have a job and have a manageable transition from full-time student to real world (summer breaks and living with/near friends).  turns out, this situation was far more perfect that i imagined or realized.

the way i see it, this is a great example of God working something out that i didn't even know needed to be worked out.  given any option, i could not have chosen a next step that would have been half as beneficial as this year has been for me.

furthermore, teaching junior high history this year was better for me than 10th-grade economics would have been, which is what i wanted originally.  i learned how to teach this year, and i loved it.  next year, i'll be teaching what i love — economics.

perfect.