How to Study: A comprehensive study guide on studying

The following is a hand-out I typed up before school today and gave to my economics students offhandedly in class...A few of them enjoyed it.

Despite the frequent demand for this commonly misunderstood activity, many would-be studyers find themselves embarking on a journey during finals week on which they will be measured and found wanting. 

     The first rule of studying is to save your mind for when it is most efficient.  In other words, never study more than a night in advance of a major assessment.  When timed correctly, the urgency of your situation will force your hopelessly-distractible brain into something resembling focus, allowing you to absorb and comprehend an A’s worth of material in a C-span of time.  Plus, this route ensures your long-term memory won’t be affected at all, and then you can fill it to capacity with the best perk combos or the blood types of your favorite “singers”.  Don’t crack that textbook too soon when one night will do!

     Once you’ve given yourself no choice but to cram, there is no longer a point where you experience the paralysis that comes with unnecessary choices.  You don’t have to worry about what the optimal amount of sleep is, or what you should have for breakfast, or even if you should have breakfast — you can be quietly confident in the knowledge that, in order to pass, you have to study up until the second where your teacher pries your notes from your clammy, sleep-deprived hands.   And when you finish that test, you are free to start studying immediately for the next.  It’s simple, and simplicity is refreshing.

     When your psyche hits that unmistakable melding of panic and despondency, you know its time to sit down and do work.  Once you’ve arrived, the next aspect to consider is your environment.  Set up camp on the most comfortable arrangement possible — a couch or La-Z-Boy will do, but a bed is best.  Anywhere you can stretch out and close your eyes in order to review what you just learned, really.  You need a tasty beverage within reach, and a snack  (pick a snack that complements the stress-induced cortisol coursing through your system).   Develop a system where you eat every time you don’t know something, and reward yourself with a drink every time you get a review question right.

     The mistake many students make at this point is minimizing potential distractions.  In fact, distractions are a vital component of productive studying.  They give your mind a break from reality, and encourage a renewed sense of urgency when to you return to the task at hand.  Before you collect any unorthodox distractions such as Rubek’s Cubes or Sudoku, make sure you have the time-tested favorites — your cell phone and the TV remote.  There’s nothing that encourages humanity’s development like a little TLC on in the background, and you obviously need to be able to check in with your friends at any moment.  Plus, when you aren’t Snapchatting Instagrammed pictures of your latest high score on Temple Run, you can always Tweet about how many likes your Facebook status just got:  “Truth is…im studying so hard right now! omg lms if u h8 finals lol!!”  Yeah, that’s worthy of checking up on every few minutes.

     If you follow these instructions and leave the classroom anything less than fully confident in your “A”, the only course of action remaining is to blame your teachers.  How could they expect you to know information that far back in the study guide?  They clearly don’t understand that you have other classes to study for, too.  Let’s be honest, though, at this point in the year the teachers have predetermined your grade anyway.  There’s a reason no one hands back finals.  Happy studying!  

Since 8th-graders are harder to reach with satire, I added a disclaimer to their version:

*Disclaimer:  This advice is satirical.  A more accurate title would be “How NOT to study, but you probably will do all of these things anyway.” 

My actual advice is essentially the opposite:  Review your class notes in each class at the end of each week.  Ask your teacher to explain things you don’t understand.  If nothing else, it shows your teacher that you care and you want to learn, which is valuable in itself.  When you are studying, go to a quiet place and sit in a non-cushioned chair with a desk.  Leave your phone in another room and don’t play music with lyrics.  Learn which friends help you study, and which friends are better to hang out with when you don’t need to learn anything.  You cannot multitask nearly as well as you think you can.  It is MUCH better to study for 30 minutes, and then watch a TV show for 30 minutes, than it is to sit in front of a TV for 60 minutes, “studying”.  When you sit down to study, it should be all you do. Stop trying to mix work and play, and both activities will be more productive.  You can focus on what you need to learn when you study, and then you can enjoy relaxing instead of feeling guilty for not studying. 

I learned these things the hard way, by many sleepless nights and unsatisfactory test grades.  I’m giving you an opportunity to learn from my experience.   Take it.  And hey, if you already utilize this advice, congratulations!  You’re ahead of the curve.