this was only the second time i haven't been with my family for Thanksgiving. the first was four years ago when i was in Canterbury, England. they don't have Thanksgiving in England. they don't even sell canned pumpkin innards. however, i was with a good amount of American foreign exchange students, and the Uni (Canterbury Christ Church University) was very supportive, so i had a Thanksgiving dinner against all odds. we even brought non-US citizens along... somewhere, I have a video of Sarah Vitty attempting to sing the Star Spangled Banner...
so. two days off work, coupla thousand miles from home, what to do.
i had options, but i'd sorta avoiding committing. it was Thursday, and I was in class outlining the homework on the board for the last week. it went something like this:
Friday - review
Monday - test
Tuesday - ch 23 read summarize annotate
Wednesday - ch 24
Thursday - foodfamilyfootballican'tgohome
i didn't really plan to write the "homework" for Thursday, i just decided to, then i thought it would be funny to keep going. you know, a pathetic-cry-for-help type funny. and i was right, my 7th graders thought it was hilarious (i've recently become aware that they don't really think i'm funny, just strange. well, a few in each section think i'm really funny, and the rest don't get my humor, or, they get it and think it's weird. so, basically the same as the rest of the world. but that's a different post).
then, as you might expect, i had a student invite me to his family's thanksgiving. i said thanks, but i'll be okay. i have a few offers.
next day. my daily "duty" (have i mentioned this?) is from 7:30 - 8 a.m. every day in the "multi-purpose" room, monitoring dozens of 5th graders as they're waiting for school to start. i've only recently started befriending them (it's way funner to interact with students you DON'T teach), and a girl i knew came up to me.
"my brother invited you to our Thanksgiving yesterday, and my mom wants me to tell you that you're really invited."
i was surprised, and i thanked her and said i'd think about it. stalling. it would be weird to take that offer, right?
next day. soccer game. the same kid's parents approach me. re-invite me. by this point i'm seriously considering it.
by Sunday i'd decided to go. i'm weird. i don't really know this family, but they were having 10+ family members over, they are really involved at the school, and believe it or not, this particular student is one of my problem students. he's smart, but he gets in trouble a lot. my 8th-grade self identifies with him, but my life now would be easier if we got along better.
i went. obviously when there's no precedent it's impossible to know what to expect, and it didn't go as expected, but it was good. i talked to the parents about Hillsdale a little bit, about Great Hearts a little bit, i compared college adventures with a few relatives, and i beat my 7th grader at darts and promised his 5th-grade sister to start a weekly poker game in the multi-purpose room. his dad was amused that i pretended to bet a letter grade on his next test over the outcome of the 49ers/Ravens game; his mother wasn't.
overall it was a good day. Scottsdale's head football coach invited me to play football in the morning with his high school buddies, and i hung out with a few other teachers after my big dinner.
my family has the big Thanksgiving dinner on Saturdays, since my dad almost always is working in the Emergency Room on the actual holiday. as a result, it was much lonelier to be in Phoenix Saturday than it was Thursday. three weeks until i'm going home! i promise i won't let any students convince me otherwise...
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
expectations matter.
we live in a complex world. it's a world where each individual action can affect countless other actions, and the sum of those actions define the world we live in, and its future. i'm fascinated by this (how could you not be?), and it's a big reason why i love economics.
though the consequences of human action are intricate, the complexity becomes exponentially* greater when you realize physical "action" isn't even necessary in order to have an impact. your thoughts, beliefs, and expectations can impact your environment. there is a good deal of evidence that a lack of "trust" is the reason the U.S. recovery from this recession has been so slow. the rules (laws) of the game (life) have changed so much, and continue to change, that the resulting "Regime Uncertainty" results in inaction. inaction doesn't spur economic growth. why would i buy a new car now if i suspect another "cash for clunkers" program in the near future? why would i hire another employee if the new health insurance laws are impossible to understand? in both these cases, and many others, it makes sense to wait. and, unfortunately, it's a case where the individual benefit is in opposition to the country's benefit.
*i've observed that Tom winces when people misuse the idea of exponentiality, so i make an effort to do it frequently (along with a long list of other 'triggers'...an infinitely long list). in this case though, i think it's literally applicable.
<flash to Tom imagining someone rubbing the words "exponentially greater" on their shoulders and arms (literally 'applying' them, like sunscreen), cause that's totally what he's doing right now>
i love making connections to sports.. imagine a football game where the rules can change at any time. would it be a game that is full of beautiful plays and complex offensive schemes? or would it be ugly, lack innovation, tend to be conservative, and at times simply be painful to watch? our economy is no different. unless you have a reliable and clear incentive structure, you will be hesitant to act, and when you do act you will be very risk-averse.
one of the major factors that determines investment and future inflation is the expected rate of inflation. basically, what people think the inflation rate will be, for whatever reason. how crazy is that?
[Free gift for your attention span!]
i want to take this idea in the opposite direction. think small. one thing i'm obsessed with is the connection between an individual's mindset and his performance. again, sports is the obvious connection. here's the real question: what is the connection between other people's mindsets and an individual's performance?
if the coach draws up a play for you to take the game-winning shot, and the rest of your team doesn't believe you're going to make it, does that affect the chance you have of making the shot? i have no doubt that it does. HOW it affects the chance (positively or negatively) can change based on the individual, but it does matter.
in high school, i was the captain of the basketball team. my performance was noticeably different in practice, where my teammates thought i could do no wrong, than playing pick-up at the rec center, where i was often the only white guy on the court. it wasn't just a difference in the levels of competition, either. somewhat often, i would make plays beyond my ability at practice, and, even more often, i would fail to make a routine play on the public courts.
if you'll allow me further illustration, here are some actual thoughts from the actors in each scene:
me: "how in the world did THAT shot go in?!"
others: "of course he made that impossible shot..he always does"
me: "how could i miss that layup!?"
others: "i knew he was going to miss that layup.."
conclusion? expectations matter — WHEN, mind you, the actor either 1) is aware of said expectations or 2) thinks he is aware of them.
the reason why this is on my mind in the first place? students have incredibly low expectations of their teachers!!! i mean, gee whilickers!! it's mentally exhausting to battle their expectations daily.
a few things i have to deal with:
1) if you are out of college, you are "old"...there are only two options: "old", and "not". part of this is a complete lack of ability to determine age. seriously, when kids guess how old i am, the guesses are near 40 just as often as they are near 20.
2) teachers know nothing about pop culture, music, technology, etc. my students all believe that all teachers listen to classical music and can't work computers. how do you even respond to such absurd assumptions? there are so many possible responses that it's paralyzing, almost. i often have to restrain an immature impulse to list off the concerts i've been to, or doing the "spongebob" dance from party rock anthem, or whatever else*. my actual response varies. sometimes i mock them. sometimes i agree with them (read: mock them). sometimes i say "you're 12. i have nothing to prove to you."
*Jon's response is to make pop culture references that go over their heads. i do it from time to time, but he's trying to turn it into an art form. it's comforting, in a way. i need to do it more... recent example: i wrote on the board: "Spelling Bee Club on Monday. You know what it is." a few students made the connection to the song "Black and Yellow" and of course they asked if i did it on purpose. i acted completely ignorant, then added, "all i'm saying is, when a bee goes whizzing by your head, you know what it is" (Wiz Kalifa is the artist.....). if there was a scale that ranked "percentage of humor created solely for your own benefit", i would be near the top of the charts.
3) teachers are physically handicapped. a couple times i hit a volleyball around with the junior high team after practice. after i returned a serve, one of the girls said "wow, Mr. McClallen, you're really good!" the fact i made one easy pass impressed her. instead of being flattered, i was tempted to kill the next ball in her general direction. how good am i now? i didn't, obviously.. the point is, her intended compliment was insulting.
at least it's easy to impress junior highers, right?.. but, nevertheless, low expectations bring you down. i mean, i feel older after interacting with them. that's not cool.
i probably deserve it though, i was just as guilty of the low expectations for "adults" thing as anyone. it's hard to avoid. it definitely works the other way, too. adults don't expect much from kids. i'll clear up that one up later.
though the consequences of human action are intricate, the complexity becomes exponentially* greater when you realize physical "action" isn't even necessary in order to have an impact. your thoughts, beliefs, and expectations can impact your environment. there is a good deal of evidence that a lack of "trust" is the reason the U.S. recovery from this recession has been so slow. the rules (laws) of the game (life) have changed so much, and continue to change, that the resulting "Regime Uncertainty" results in inaction. inaction doesn't spur economic growth. why would i buy a new car now if i suspect another "cash for clunkers" program in the near future? why would i hire another employee if the new health insurance laws are impossible to understand? in both these cases, and many others, it makes sense to wait. and, unfortunately, it's a case where the individual benefit is in opposition to the country's benefit.
*i've observed that Tom winces when people misuse the idea of exponentiality, so i make an effort to do it frequently (along with a long list of other 'triggers'...an infinitely long list). in this case though, i think it's literally applicable.
<flash to Tom imagining someone rubbing the words "exponentially greater" on their shoulders and arms (literally 'applying' them, like sunscreen), cause that's totally what he's doing right now>
i love making connections to sports.. imagine a football game where the rules can change at any time. would it be a game that is full of beautiful plays and complex offensive schemes? or would it be ugly, lack innovation, tend to be conservative, and at times simply be painful to watch? our economy is no different. unless you have a reliable and clear incentive structure, you will be hesitant to act, and when you do act you will be very risk-averse.
one of the major factors that determines investment and future inflation is the expected rate of inflation. basically, what people think the inflation rate will be, for whatever reason. how crazy is that?
i want to take this idea in the opposite direction. think small. one thing i'm obsessed with is the connection between an individual's mindset and his performance. again, sports is the obvious connection. here's the real question: what is the connection between other people's mindsets and an individual's performance?
if the coach draws up a play for you to take the game-winning shot, and the rest of your team doesn't believe you're going to make it, does that affect the chance you have of making the shot? i have no doubt that it does. HOW it affects the chance (positively or negatively) can change based on the individual, but it does matter.
in high school, i was the captain of the basketball team. my performance was noticeably different in practice, where my teammates thought i could do no wrong, than playing pick-up at the rec center, where i was often the only white guy on the court. it wasn't just a difference in the levels of competition, either. somewhat often, i would make plays beyond my ability at practice, and, even more often, i would fail to make a routine play on the public courts.
if you'll allow me further illustration, here are some actual thoughts from the actors in each scene:
me: "how in the world did THAT shot go in?!"
others: "of course he made that impossible shot..he always does"
me: "how could i miss that layup!?"
others: "i knew he was going to miss that layup.."
conclusion? expectations matter — WHEN, mind you, the actor either 1) is aware of said expectations or 2) thinks he is aware of them.
the reason why this is on my mind in the first place? students have incredibly low expectations of their teachers!!! i mean, gee whilickers!! it's mentally exhausting to battle their expectations daily.
a few things i have to deal with:
1) if you are out of college, you are "old"...there are only two options: "old", and "not". part of this is a complete lack of ability to determine age. seriously, when kids guess how old i am, the guesses are near 40 just as often as they are near 20.
2) teachers know nothing about pop culture, music, technology, etc. my students all believe that all teachers listen to classical music and can't work computers. how do you even respond to such absurd assumptions? there are so many possible responses that it's paralyzing, almost. i often have to restrain an immature impulse to list off the concerts i've been to, or doing the "spongebob" dance from party rock anthem, or whatever else*. my actual response varies. sometimes i mock them. sometimes i agree with them (read: mock them). sometimes i say "you're 12. i have nothing to prove to you."
*Jon's response is to make pop culture references that go over their heads. i do it from time to time, but he's trying to turn it into an art form. it's comforting, in a way. i need to do it more... recent example: i wrote on the board: "Spelling Bee Club on Monday. You know what it is." a few students made the connection to the song "Black and Yellow" and of course they asked if i did it on purpose. i acted completely ignorant, then added, "all i'm saying is, when a bee goes whizzing by your head, you know what it is" (Wiz Kalifa is the artist.....). if there was a scale that ranked "percentage of humor created solely for your own benefit", i would be near the top of the charts.
3) teachers are physically handicapped. a couple times i hit a volleyball around with the junior high team after practice. after i returned a serve, one of the girls said "wow, Mr. McClallen, you're really good!" the fact i made one easy pass impressed her. instead of being flattered, i was tempted to kill the next ball in her general direction. how good am i now? i didn't, obviously.. the point is, her intended compliment was insulting.
at least it's easy to impress junior highers, right?.. but, nevertheless, low expectations bring you down. i mean, i feel older after interacting with them. that's not cool.
i probably deserve it though, i was just as guilty of the low expectations for "adults" thing as anyone. it's hard to avoid. it definitely works the other way, too. adults don't expect much from kids. i'll clear up that one up later.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
next post facto
the first quarter is officially over. grading complete, evaluations submitted, fall break gone.
i wasn't dwelling on it at the time, but the past nine weeks had to have been the most challenging of my life thus far. it makes sense. i had to adjust to an entirely new environment: the Southwest; live in a city with over 50k inhabitants for the first time: Phoenix (the sixth most-populous city in the U.S.); move in with new roommates: (Tom and Jon); start a job i had no training for: middle school teacher?!; teach a subject i had little training in: history (ancient AND medieval), and add in all the responsibilities of a head football coach from day one.
being challenged is good. i welcome it, and i recognize it could have been MUCH more difficult, like trying to do all that and not have a core group of friends nearby for support. and to be honest, i would not have even attempted any of this without them.
sometimes i think the things i do are simply because i want to see what it would take to break me down. i'm addicted to the thrill of pushing my limits. i love the process of trying something new, figuring it out, and then doing my best to master it.
the problem is that with more quantity, quality can suffer. the perspective changes more when my adventures affect other people. would i be a better teacher if i wasn't coaching football? it's very probable. would the football team be much worse off with the next-best option at head coach? entirely possible. so, what's the answer? it depends. isn't that always the answer?
i staggered to the finish line of the first quarter. i was working more hours and getting less sleep than my worst semester at Hillsdale, and i really struggled down the home stretch. one thing you don't realize about being a student is that it's relatively passive. you can power down, operate at 60 percent capacity, and be fine. zone out during class and the world doesn't end. teaching is 100 percent all the time, and coaching is the same way. it's almost like a performance. it's exhausting.
so, i hit a wall. i barely made it. all the time while i was figuring out ways to cut down on my workload, the loss of sleep had been building up. the worst part might have been getting up before 7 a.m. on Saturdays in order to make it to my 9 a.m. games. when the bell rang for my last period that last Friday, i just left. there were abandoned stacks of papers on my desk, and open books from the day's lesson plans. i didn't say goodbye.
flying to Michigan for Hillsdale's homecoming was the best medicine i could have asked for, although it also served to highlight the stark contrast from my life a year ago. how could anything be so incredibly familiar and freeing while being so incredibly detached and distant? this homecoming was the only experience i've had that was weird for the sole reason of not being weird. every second.
i was clinging to my last taste of Hillsdale as i got on the plane to fly back. my thoughts were torn, i didn't know how to summarize what i was feeling.. then, i looked at the woman next to me, who was reading. it was a book entitled "A Rather Remarkable Homecoming." well, that works.
the second quarter is now under way. i have big plans to be a better teacher. i also have plans to do things like sleep, maybe even exercise. how do you raise productivity with a fixed amount of labor inputs (1 worker) and a fixed amount of time (24 hours)? increase efficiency! i have to take everything i've learned since August, and put it all together. the next step of the challenge.
my football team has the No. 3 seed in the playoffs. remember my post about losing to Chandler Prep? no? well, we play them on Saturday. if we win, the championship is the next week. either way, football will be over within the next two weeks! think of all the activities i can do with my extra time!
like..coach the JH soccer team? sure, why not?
i wasn't dwelling on it at the time, but the past nine weeks had to have been the most challenging of my life thus far. it makes sense. i had to adjust to an entirely new environment: the Southwest; live in a city with over 50k inhabitants for the first time: Phoenix (the sixth most-populous city in the U.S.); move in with new roommates: (Tom and Jon); start a job i had no training for: middle school teacher?!; teach a subject i had little training in: history (ancient AND medieval), and add in all the responsibilities of a head football coach from day one.
being challenged is good. i welcome it, and i recognize it could have been MUCH more difficult, like trying to do all that and not have a core group of friends nearby for support. and to be honest, i would not have even attempted any of this without them.
sometimes i think the things i do are simply because i want to see what it would take to break me down. i'm addicted to the thrill of pushing my limits. i love the process of trying something new, figuring it out, and then doing my best to master it.
the problem is that with more quantity, quality can suffer. the perspective changes more when my adventures affect other people. would i be a better teacher if i wasn't coaching football? it's very probable. would the football team be much worse off with the next-best option at head coach? entirely possible. so, what's the answer? it depends. isn't that always the answer?
i staggered to the finish line of the first quarter. i was working more hours and getting less sleep than my worst semester at Hillsdale, and i really struggled down the home stretch. one thing you don't realize about being a student is that it's relatively passive. you can power down, operate at 60 percent capacity, and be fine. zone out during class and the world doesn't end. teaching is 100 percent all the time, and coaching is the same way. it's almost like a performance. it's exhausting.
so, i hit a wall. i barely made it. all the time while i was figuring out ways to cut down on my workload, the loss of sleep had been building up. the worst part might have been getting up before 7 a.m. on Saturdays in order to make it to my 9 a.m. games. when the bell rang for my last period that last Friday, i just left. there were abandoned stacks of papers on my desk, and open books from the day's lesson plans. i didn't say goodbye.
flying to Michigan for Hillsdale's homecoming was the best medicine i could have asked for, although it also served to highlight the stark contrast from my life a year ago. how could anything be so incredibly familiar and freeing while being so incredibly detached and distant? this homecoming was the only experience i've had that was weird for the sole reason of not being weird. every second.
i was clinging to my last taste of Hillsdale as i got on the plane to fly back. my thoughts were torn, i didn't know how to summarize what i was feeling.. then, i looked at the woman next to me, who was reading. it was a book entitled "A Rather Remarkable Homecoming." well, that works.
the second quarter is now under way. i have big plans to be a better teacher. i also have plans to do things like sleep, maybe even exercise. how do you raise productivity with a fixed amount of labor inputs (1 worker) and a fixed amount of time (24 hours)? increase efficiency! i have to take everything i've learned since August, and put it all together. the next step of the challenge.
my football team has the No. 3 seed in the playoffs. remember my post about losing to Chandler Prep? no? well, we play them on Saturday. if we win, the championship is the next week. either way, football will be over within the next two weeks! think of all the activities i can do with my extra time!
like..coach the JH soccer team? sure, why not?
Friday, October 7, 2011
best class since next year
i need to write more about my teaching experience, and ramble less. i have some ideas, but for now? i'm going to homecoming.
given that this is the only time i will be going to homecoming the year after i graduate, i want to take full advantage. probably the highest numbers of friends there and friends returning.. so, i thought, how can i approach it differently..? it's not good enough for me to just show up.. i have to be weird.
i'd been tossing around some ideas, but on Monday night i spontaneously put together an opinion piece (about 1 a.m.) and sent it in to my friends at the Collegian. i've spent some time reflecting on what i enjoyed about my experience at Hillsdale, and then trying to find what was unique about it — different from the typical "good" college experience. so that was my starting point.
it's one of those things that you think is great when you do it, but afterward you don't really know what to think. when i went to sleep i was pretty happy with what i wrote. it had unique observations, satirical humor, decent style, and i even tried to give it a point! and i wrote it all in one sitting, which is pretty rare for me.. but, when i read it in the morning i was a whole lot less confident in it. why was i writing it at all? who was i writing to? was it too strong?
the biggest theme for my opinion pieces is simply attempting to make people think. if the best way to make them think is to make them mad at me, so be it. another way to make people think is be unclear — a specialty of mine. i'm hard to understand, by nature. part of my controversy-promoting approach is that i don't always say what i actually believe. i want it to start conversations, even if it's all in the readers head.
so, here it is. "Alumni homecoming advice"
in a few days i'm going to post an explanation of what i was thinking, what i meant, and why.
by the way, that's not my headline. i sent in a few suggestions (including the title of this post), but i guess they didn't make the cut.. and i'm not complaining!! i mean, if i'm known for anything it's for ridiculous headlines..so this feels bland. seriously though, i'm grateful for getting printed on such short notice. sweethearts, the whole bunch of 'em!
given that this is the only time i will be going to homecoming the year after i graduate, i want to take full advantage. probably the highest numbers of friends there and friends returning.. so, i thought, how can i approach it differently..? it's not good enough for me to just show up.. i have to be weird.
i'd been tossing around some ideas, but on Monday night i spontaneously put together an opinion piece (about 1 a.m.) and sent it in to my friends at the Collegian. i've spent some time reflecting on what i enjoyed about my experience at Hillsdale, and then trying to find what was unique about it — different from the typical "good" college experience. so that was my starting point.
it's one of those things that you think is great when you do it, but afterward you don't really know what to think. when i went to sleep i was pretty happy with what i wrote. it had unique observations, satirical humor, decent style, and i even tried to give it a point! and i wrote it all in one sitting, which is pretty rare for me.. but, when i read it in the morning i was a whole lot less confident in it. why was i writing it at all? who was i writing to? was it too strong?
the biggest theme for my opinion pieces is simply attempting to make people think. if the best way to make them think is to make them mad at me, so be it. another way to make people think is be unclear — a specialty of mine. i'm hard to understand, by nature. part of my controversy-promoting approach is that i don't always say what i actually believe. i want it to start conversations, even if it's all in the readers head.
so, here it is. "Alumni homecoming advice"
in a few days i'm going to post an explanation of what i was thinking, what i meant, and why.
by the way, that's not my headline. i sent in a few suggestions (including the title of this post), but i guess they didn't make the cut.. and i'm not complaining!! i mean, if i'm known for anything it's for ridiculous headlines..so this feels bland. seriously though, i'm grateful for getting printed on such short notice. sweethearts, the whole bunch of 'em!
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
winning is underrated.
you've heard the quotes. everyone recognizes winning is better than losing, and some people go further than that. Vince Lombardi famously said that "Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing." here's my perspective: irregardlessly of how much you value winning, you should value it more. not just SHOULD, but you WOULD, if you fully understood it's importance. that goes for Lombardi, too.
that being said, is there anything worse than losing? if you give your best, you shouldn't have regrets. but, you can give your best and still make mistakes. and dwell on them. i mean, finishing second place is awful. you were right there, and fell just short.
no one but the losers remember second place. and second place does remember, trust me. i have memories where i actually wince every time it crosses my mind, and i can only imagine it will always be that way for me. but first? first is symbolic. first place gives you a reference point for everything else. that's why i was so pleased to hear that our Collegian team from last year at Hillsdale won an award. well, a lot of awards (i'll put up a link to any articles i find). the 2010-2011 Hillsdale Collegian won First Place General Excellence in our division at the Michigan Press Awards. basically, we were judged to be the "best" weekly paper in the state of Michigan.
i'd never really thought about our chances. i did know that we had a great team, and we had a great time. it wasn't just the seniors, either, we were solid through and through. though we each will treasure the experience individually, it's really awesome to be able to attach the official sort of recognition as well.
one thing bothers me about winning — relativity. there's always someone better out there. so you can very rarely be satisfied, because other people won't allow it. i know competition should be a personal thing — comparing yourself to others is trouble. but think about it. let's say a friend of yours wins first place at a track and field event at Hillsdale, which is Division II. you're trying to brag on them a little, and someone always jumps in and says something like (and i'm paraphrasing to highlight the ridiculousness) "this guy i went to high school with runs track at Ohio State" ...!!.. so, just the fact that a higher level of competition exists is supposed to make all of your friend's accomplishments impotent.
are you following? or should i start over? that's why winning the Superbowl is different than winning the Major League Soccer championship. both are the highest level of competition; in one sense, legitimate championships, but the Superbowl-winning team truly is the best football team on the planet. no one can downplay their accomplishment. the MLS champion team has to deal with the existence of the European leagues. all of their hours of physical and mental training, their sacrifices, the whole package can be negated instantly by some a**hole who says "well, they probably couldn't beat Arsenal." it's not REALLY negated, but if you're in that setting, how can you respond to such thoughtlessness??
someone in charge decided to give me first place for the best-designed sports page. my initial reaction was pure unadulterated surprise. my second? "so..i had the best-designed section of the worst-designed section.."..in a sense, answering the afore-mentioned critic before he has a chance to comment. on the one hand, it's probably true. on the other, it's unhealthy to obsess over relativity. i need to take it for what is, a compliment on a job/performance where i invested everything i had over the course of an entire school year.
besides that, there's something to be said for finding the right place for you to compete, and compete successfully. i got into the journalism program by being the guy who could write decently, for a jock, essentially. i rode that role to the editor position, and didn't look back.
maybe i learned something by deciding i was going to play basketball in college, and failing. basketball is the toughest sport to get a scholarship for..think about it. of all the major college sports, it has the smallest rosters and is the most dependent on pure physical gifts (namely, height) for success. hard work only gets you so far, kids. it's naive to ignore natural ability and, my favorite, "luck"..
how can i bring this around... winning. relativity. design. ah, yes. even though i'm tempted to downplay it, that award is big for me (ignoring the fact that a lot of my difficult designs were done by Joel and Liz — again, thank my awareness of "the critic" for that observation).. ability to design something well implies creativity in some capacity, does it not? i've never been creative; calculative would be far more accurate. i'm intimidated by creative people. musicians? wow. i mean, you can't teach creativity. but have i learned it, somehow? or maybe designing a newspaper can be a technique..
maybe there's hope for me. thanks, MPA's.
that being said, is there anything worse than losing? if you give your best, you shouldn't have regrets. but, you can give your best and still make mistakes. and dwell on them. i mean, finishing second place is awful. you were right there, and fell just short.
no one but the losers remember second place. and second place does remember, trust me. i have memories where i actually wince every time it crosses my mind, and i can only imagine it will always be that way for me. but first? first is symbolic. first place gives you a reference point for everything else. that's why i was so pleased to hear that our Collegian team from last year at Hillsdale won an award. well, a lot of awards (i'll put up a link to any articles i find). the 2010-2011 Hillsdale Collegian won First Place General Excellence in our division at the Michigan Press Awards. basically, we were judged to be the "best" weekly paper in the state of Michigan.
i'd never really thought about our chances. i did know that we had a great team, and we had a great time. it wasn't just the seniors, either, we were solid through and through. though we each will treasure the experience individually, it's really awesome to be able to attach the official sort of recognition as well.
one thing bothers me about winning — relativity. there's always someone better out there. so you can very rarely be satisfied, because other people won't allow it. i know competition should be a personal thing — comparing yourself to others is trouble. but think about it. let's say a friend of yours wins first place at a track and field event at Hillsdale, which is Division II. you're trying to brag on them a little, and someone always jumps in and says something like (and i'm paraphrasing to highlight the ridiculousness) "this guy i went to high school with runs track at Ohio State" ...!!.. so, just the fact that a higher level of competition exists is supposed to make all of your friend's accomplishments impotent.
are you following? or should i start over? that's why winning the Superbowl is different than winning the Major League Soccer championship. both are the highest level of competition; in one sense, legitimate championships, but the Superbowl-winning team truly is the best football team on the planet. no one can downplay their accomplishment. the MLS champion team has to deal with the existence of the European leagues. all of their hours of physical and mental training, their sacrifices, the whole package can be negated instantly by some a**hole who says "well, they probably couldn't beat Arsenal." it's not REALLY negated, but if you're in that setting, how can you respond to such thoughtlessness??
someone in charge decided to give me first place for the best-designed sports page. my initial reaction was pure unadulterated surprise. my second? "so..i had the best-designed section of the worst-designed section.."..in a sense, answering the afore-mentioned critic before he has a chance to comment. on the one hand, it's probably true. on the other, it's unhealthy to obsess over relativity. i need to take it for what is, a compliment on a job/performance where i invested everything i had over the course of an entire school year.
besides that, there's something to be said for finding the right place for you to compete, and compete successfully. i got into the journalism program by being the guy who could write decently, for a jock, essentially. i rode that role to the editor position, and didn't look back.
maybe i learned something by deciding i was going to play basketball in college, and failing. basketball is the toughest sport to get a scholarship for..think about it. of all the major college sports, it has the smallest rosters and is the most dependent on pure physical gifts (namely, height) for success. hard work only gets you so far, kids. it's naive to ignore natural ability and, my favorite, "luck"..
how can i bring this around... winning. relativity. design. ah, yes. even though i'm tempted to downplay it, that award is big for me (ignoring the fact that a lot of my difficult designs were done by Joel and Liz — again, thank my awareness of "the critic" for that observation).. ability to design something well implies creativity in some capacity, does it not? i've never been creative; calculative would be far more accurate. i'm intimidated by creative people. musicians? wow. i mean, you can't teach creativity. but have i learned it, somehow? or maybe designing a newspaper can be a technique..
maybe there's hope for me. thanks, MPA's.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
at worst, anything is possible.
there’s boatloads of potential in every day. when you project that potential out to weeks and months, it quickly becomes apparent that, at worst, anything is possible.
this is the story of how i got here, now. graduation from Hillsdale in May passed by with no plans following. that wasn’t so bad. when i make plans, i love being able to start with nothing. can you realize the possibilities before you? no, no one can. but, all you need is a starting point.
my starting point was Las Vegas. good starting points are beyond your control or imagination, that’s how you know they were meant to be.
my parents invited me to Vegas for the family vacation. well, it was just outside Vegas, at places like Lake Mead, the Hoover Dam, and "Frontsight Resort" (you HAVE to click on that link, i cannot begin to describe it). the idea was for our family members to get concealed carry licenses…
when planning, you have to see the big picture. i hope the idea of going on vacation with my family is always as appealing to me as it has been whilst growing up, but it’s not wrong for it to be appealing beyond family-time. it was also a voucher for cross-country travel, and a solid foundation to build my immediate future on. i got a one-way ticket.
i had entertained the idea of making my way to Phoenix later in the summer and helping Lauren and Alison move in/get accustomed to the new environment. naturally, the Vegas path got me thinking about Phoenix. Phoenix is, like, right next to Vegas, right? the timing just didn’t work, though. they weren’t going to be there for several weeks. Jon and Tom were even later.
despite what you may think, being spontaneous (successfully) is, in fact, directly correlated to being prepared. while in the hotel in Vegas, i sent out some feelers. i talked to Aaron Schepps about visiting him in Phoenix. i talked to the girls about their plans, i talked to Brian about meeting me in Vegas. i checked train/bus routes in the Southwest. i also considered flying to Tennessee for Bonnaroo, but i digress.
given my likelihood of visiting Phoenix at some point, i did some job searching. i researched think tanks, newspaper/media, and finally, Great Hearts. thanks to updates from Hillsdale's Career Planning services, i was aware they were still hiring. i spent a solid hour composing an email to the Great Hearts Academies office, telling them i may be passing through Phoenix, and asking if i could interview for any open positions (“also, i’m from Hillsdale”).
my family returned home. we are good at vacationing, i gotta say. though it’s usually an exhausting experience, it’s also the reason why i can say i’ve been to 49 states. you enjoy the beach, again, we’ll be white-water rafting down the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon. they left the hotel at 5 a.m. to catch their flight. i slept in. it is not the slightest exaggeration to say i had zero “set” plans. when i got kicked out at check-out, i was going to be in Sin City alone, with no place to stay. in this type of situation, it’s important to remember to never panic. think through things, you always have options.
Brian came through. in the morning neither of us knew if he was coming; he was there by the afternoon. our original plan of sleeping in a tent at the KOA off the strip fell through due to the fact we both thought the other had the tent. details matter, sometimes.. we stayed at the Stratosphere.
i got a reply from Great Hearts. apparently, my email had been forwarded to all the schools (i think there are 14 at this point), and one school was willing to give me an interview. it was Scottsdale Prep. i called them from a moving sidewalk in front of the Bellagio, and arranged a time — Tuesday. i had another set point on my journey, and four days in between.
it was tempting to hit up L.A. for a night or two before going to Phoenix. Brian was headed home, and i had friends there. but i opted for more down time.. know your limits. besides, if i got the job in Phoenix, L.A. would be permanently a weekend away.
at 11 p.m. Friday night i boarded a Greyhound from Vegas to Phoenix. it was an 8-hour journey. buses might be the only place i can’t sleep.
Aaron Schepps and his family were the perfect hosts for the three days leading up to my interview (and three days afterward). this is proven by the fact they also hosted Lauren, Laura, and Michele just before they were hired. well, perfect if you overlook the fact that i needed interview clothes, and none of them are my size.
this brings me to a clarification. don’t limit yourself unnecessarily. if you are backpacking through the desert and encounter a job opportunity, don’t turn it down simply because you don’t have proper attire on. a legitimate problem should clearly outweigh the opportunity. clothing is not a legitimate problem, in this case.
enter Kevin Meyers, who happens to be teaching in Phoenix as well. my transfer-year-roommate and i have a weird and great relationship, definitely one that i feel comfortable demanding a suit from on short notice. other options could have been investing in a suit (gotta get one sometime), used clothing stores, or the classic buy/return approach, just as examples.
though you may think i’ve been flippant thus far, i did take this interview seriously. there is a time for everything. i spent a good amount of time thinking and praying about the idea of teaching kids. i called every one of my friends who had already interviewed with Great Hearts. i practically memorized the website. when the time came, i was ready, relatively.
the interview went well. they had another interviewee in right after me, then gave us both a tour of the new building, then offered me the job.
obviously, my first thought was “it can’t be this easy.” i had until Friday to decide, i took ‘til Thursday. i begged Jon and Tom out of their two-bedroom place they had all but signed on. i visited one apartment complex before leaving town, and it’s the one we’re now living in. i went from never considering teaching to being a teacher in about two weeks, and i have not second-guessed my decision. you don't always know what's best for you.
i flew home, took a goodbye tour of Illinois/Chicago/Hillsdale for just over a week, then packed my things and made the 32-hour drive to the Southwest with my brother Mark.
this whole experience is a big reason why i chose the name “wonderful anarchy” for this blog. i think it’s a decent example of the common choices we make (free will) forcing a particular outcome (destiny), resulting in a conclusion that could never have been considered beforehand, or fully comprehended afterward (God’s plan). God has a plan.
when i first met Mr. Schepps, he wondered why i was friends with Aaron, only partially joking. Aaron was a freshman, i was a senior. when i got back from that interview, i had an answer for him.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Bon Iver, Bon Iver in Concert.
this is not a review, it's just another blog post.
if you don't know Bon Iver's music, i don't know what to tell you. keep reading?
or, watch this.
"Skinny Love" live on Jools Holland
or, this.
La Blogotheque's take on "For Emma, Forever Ago"
he played "Skinny Love" lastly, and i left the theatre with the words stuck in my head.
"now all your love is wasted, then who the hell am i?..."
if you don't know Bon Iver's music, i don't know what to tell you. keep reading?
or, watch this.
"Skinny Love" live on Jools Holland
or, this.
La Blogotheque's take on "For Emma, Forever Ago"
it began in June. i had just been hired to teach, and i was in the library in Hillsdale finishing unfinished business. Brian called me.
“Bon Iver is in concert in Phoenix in September.”
we got tickets. four of them, total.
fast forward to last Wednesday. Brian wasn’t going to be one of the four; it just couldn’t work out. he mailed me the tickets. they didn’t arrive.
Thursday, the day of the concert, also Guatemala's Independence Day. Brian, from Dallas, had been working on a solution. the four — Lauren, Alison, me, and Jon — had been working on work.
Brian came through, of course, and emailed me a link to print the tickets. just a few hours later i got another text from him:
“I will be at the phx airport at 330. I would like to go to a bon iver and fleet foxes concert with my besties. Can someone pick me up? This is not a joke. Dreams come true”
..gotta love him.
..gotta love him.
Lauren ended up being “someone”. so, a few hours later i find myself packed into Al’s Hyundai Sonata with five (Tom supplying the fifth) of my favorite people, driving to a concert of one of my favorite artists.
afterward, Stefany asked me to sum up the experience in one word. after too much thought, i went with “fulfilling.”
it started in the car. we weren’t teachers. i didn’t have to write two tests before my first class. it was the perfect release. those moments where you don’t have a care in the world get rarer and rarer, and this one was long overdue, by my count.
Jon scalped a ticket. Tom got in. Michele and Laura had purchased tickets independently, so we were all there, but the seats were all spread out.
funny thing with me and concerts — i always go with friends, but i often get lost within my own experience. it happened again.
a long time ago i decided that if a concert had a general admission area/floor, then i would be there, in the front. the experience simply cannot be matched. many people hate the idea of fighting for every inch against masses of sweaty people who will do anything to get closer. i love it.
i’ve been in mosh-pits where blood was spilled. i’ve crowd-surfed. i’ve gotten drum sticks, guitar picks, set lists, and the occasional autograph. don’t try to tell me it’s better to be anywhere else but the very front.
the problem is getting there.
i use various approaches, including stealth, force, and trickeration. i really tried to get someone to come with me, but they weren’t quite up for it, this time. i’ll admit, it was harder than i expected to get past security. long story short, i faked my way to the front row of the assigned seats, waited a few minutes, and then jumped the railing when the lights dimmed between songs. i ran into the crowd and never looked back. this was during the Fleet Foxes show, and by the time Bon Iver came on stage, i had made friends in the front row.
i think i will have a post later discussing my approach to morality, if anyone’s interested. for now, try to abate your concern..
the concert was awesome, naturally. i don’t have the right words to describe it right now, unfortunately. Justin Vernon looked like Ian Moss. During “Blood Bank” the whole set was drowned in red light. it was not the best concert of all-time, but it was what i wanted, and what i needed. there were times where i just closed my eyes and swayed and tried to take everything in, tried futilely to comprehend what anything meant. one did i did determine is that "Beth/Rest" is not a joke, as has been proposed by the Golden sisters. for me, the highlight was probably during "Wolves", when they had the crowd sing "What might have been lost" over and over. it grew louder and louder, and i just knew that each person singing had a different experience they were dwelling on as they yelled the words all the way to a crescendo-ing scream. i'm sure it wasn't a highlight unique to me — there's a reason they chose that section of that song at that point.. two things could have made it better: more songs from “For Emma, Forever Ago”, and any sort of encore. you have to do an encore, Justin! no one is above the law of encores.
well, here's the set list ;-P
he played "Skinny Love" lastly, and i left the theatre with the words stuck in my head.
"now all your love is wasted, then who the hell am i?..."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)